


Love is Pain and Sometimes Sudden Death

by pd101s2prompts (trashyhenli)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Character Death, Death, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 04:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13092744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashyhenli/pseuds/pd101s2prompts
Summary: Woojin doesn’t utter a greeting or acknowledge Youngmin in the room. He flopped onto the couch where Donghyun is sitting and laid his head down on his hyung’s lap.“Tell mom all about it.” Donghyun joked, combing his fingers through Woojin’s hair.“I think I like Jihoon. Or at least I think he’s cute when he’s angry.”In which Park Jihoon and Park Woojin are both in BNM, fall in love, and someone dies.Spoilers: It's one of them.





	Love is Pain and Sometimes Sudden Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamsinwords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsinwords/gifts).



> To Nana: I don't think I was able to capture what you wanted in this fic, but I hope there's some parts you'll like.  
> To everyone else: I would not recommend reading this at all.

“My life has no meaning if you’re not in it. Please. I love you so much.”

“You were doing fine without me before and you’ll be fine without me now.”

“But--!”

 

“I don’t get it.” Daehwi glanced up from his phone, having already seen the new episode online.

“Are you talking to me or yourself?” Woojin gestured to the TV screen where the female lead was contemplating over jumping off the bridge only to be stopped by the second male lead.

“She so miserable and emotional over a guy she met a _few_ episodes ago despite having everything- loving family, loyal friends, good grades, money, a hot bod-“

“So what?” Daehwi retorted in the same fire as when Woojin said love at first sight was unrealistic. “You can be perfect and still have a fragile heart. Love is a powerful thing and can make you do irrational things.” The explanation didn’t seem to help as Woojin watch the actress cry her heart out.

“That wouldn’t make her perfect then. A boy is no big deal.” Daehwi scoffed.

“I don’t want to listen from someone who sulked for a whole day because I ate their popsicle.”

“I was saving that for a week.”

“And it was delicious, get over it.”

 

.

 

Rhymer called for four of them- Youngmin, Donghyun, Daehwi and Woojin himself to his office. Youngmin heard from the buzzing that it was another trainee. One most likely to be part of their idol group.

“I hear he’s a rapper with experience in the industry already.”

“Really?” Woojin didn’t like the sound of that. If he was being honest, he’d be happier if BNM BOYS was a four-member group in spite of the trend of larger groups. They have enough rappers and vocals in the group; their vocals were able to rap too. Having another member to divide bars with was…

“Don’t worry. I heard he can sing so he’s probably going to be our sub vocalist.” Youngmin rubbed Woojin’s back in assurance and Woojin almost hates how their “dad” can read them so well.

“Well, I heard he’s going to be our visual.” Donghyun feigned an offended expression.

“If anyone’s going to be the visual of this group, it’s me.” Woojin and Daehwi snorted.

“If you were our visual, our twitter is going to be nothing but selcas of you.”

 

.

 

Woojin wasn’t sure what he was expecting.

Maybe someone who gave the impression of being in a hip hop company?

A little more cooler? Manlier?

But Rhymer introduced them to a shining fairy. A flower boy.

“Hello. I’m Park Jihoon. Please take care of me.”

Woojin was flabbergasted. His first thought was this was their newest member? Someone who looked like they should be in SM or a modeling company. He wasn’t about to wax poetry, but sparkly eyes? Bouncy hair? The cutest pair of hands?

He’s too pretty.

“I can show you I’m more than a pretty face.”

Woojin noticed everyone in the room had turned their eyes on him. Had he say that out loud?

“I didn’t mean it like that…you have an idol look?” Jihoon raised an eyebrow, ready to press farther, but deciding against it.

“Oh? Thanks. You’ve got a unique look yourself.” Jihoon smiled and Woojin’s heart fluttered with curiosity.

 

.

 

“What do you think of the new guy other than he’s too pretty.” The temptation to smack their maknae for being too cheeky was strong. He couldn’t have been the only one with eyeballs.

“He must a former trainee too with how calm he was back there. I wonder why he’d join BNM though.”

“Maybe he really wants to debut soon…”

Like us.

 

.

 

Woojin soon found out that the only thing cute about Jihoon is his face.

Otherwise, he was as manly if not manlier than everyone in the company.

Even Youngmin admitted Jihoon was a little intimidating for him.

Not Woojin though. If anything, he enjoyed a good challenge and tease.

Riling Park Jihoon might sound like childish activity a person does to their crush, but that’s only if he had a crush on Park Jihoon.

Which he doesn’t.

 

.

 

Woojin wondered if all the food consumed goes straight to his round cheeks.

 “You shouldn’t eat too much.” Jihoon narrowed his eyes and set down his third? fourth? sandwich.

“Are you calling me fat, Mr. I-Have-Abs?” Daehwi already has his snapchat out, ready to add a smackdown into his story.

“I’m not-“ Rewind. “How do you even know I have abs?” Woojin mentally notes pink is a good look on Jihoon’s face while Daehwi interject in the background about everyone knowing about Woojin abs.

He has never seen anyone leave a room that fast.

‘Like a bunny.’

 

.

 

Woojin is surprised Jihoon hasn’t noticed him entered the practice room.

Or watched him dance for the last 20 minutes.

He’s memorized.

The music sings to him to move along to the beat, but he can’t do anything but keep his eye on the dancer in front of him.

Something is the only word Woojin could describe Jihoon right now.

He can’t place the description on it but like the song goes, _“A simile, a metaphor, words not enough to entrust to you, trust that it’s true.”_

So all he knew was Jihoon is something.

And he knew something had changed in his heart.

Woojin wondered if this is how fans felt when they’ve found their bias. Starstruck? Lovestruck?

 

 _Oh oh your cute voice_  
Oh oh we’re getting closer  
Why did you come now?  
Love has finally come to me

 

What’s Jihoon like as a singer? A rapper?

The urge to see other sides of Jihoon begun.

Woojin might be a little addicted, but he can’t stop the craving that is Park Jihoon.

He slipped away from the room and Jihoon immediately stopped, wondering if Woojin knew the expression he was making in the mirror.

 

.

 

He doesn’t consider himself a nosy person, but Woojin remembered his first impression about Park Jihoon. He’s curious enough to do some snooping and found out about Jihoon’s former companies. What confused Woojin was Jihoon leaving those companies during the times they debuted a boy group. Did he not make it into the group? Did he not get along with the other trainees? It irked him a little how much Jihoon was invading his thoughts now.

It still didn’t mean he had a crush on Jihoon or anything.

 

.

 

Woojin doesn’t utter a greeting or acknowledge Youngmin in the room. He flopped onto the couch where Donghyun is sitting and laid his head down on his hyung’s lap.

“Tell mom all about it.” Donghyun joked, combing his fingers through Woojin’s hair.

“I think I like Jihoon. Or at least I think he’s cute when he’s angry.”

“Like an angry alpaca?” He teased, glancing at Youngmin.

“No,” Woojin thought back to big eyes and pouty lips between scrunched up cheeks, “more like an angry bunny.”

“That does sound cute.” Woojin hummed in agreement, trying not to fall asleep under the relaxing ministration. “You should tell him how cute you think he is.”

 

.

 

Woojin does.

Confess to Jihoon that is.

It takes days of dancing around each other (no pun intended), but a real Busan man would go for it.

Woojin easily convinced (read: bribed) Jihoon to stay after practice with the promise of a late night snack. It’s four syllable. He can do it. He can-

“Saranghandee.”

“Wha-“

Woojin knew how easy it was to make Jihoon blush, but watching it crept up on Jihoon’s neck and face had his body mirroring the same.

“Do I need to say I love you in a Seoul accent for you to understand?” Jihoon scowled.

God he’s so cute when he’s angry.

“Shut up. I could crush your head right now with my thighs.” Woojin licked his lips. He hadn’t been rejected so far. There was nothing left for him to lose.

“I’d like to live long enough to be your boyfriend.”

Oh did he just say that?

“Yes you did.”

Oh.

“So how about it?” Woojin tried to not sound as nervous as he feels. Tried to channel the bravery and coolness of his stage self because regular Woojin was ready to abort this mission.

“Hmmm. Buy me food and we’ll talk.” Jihoon interlaced their fingers together, pulling them toward the door- ready to empty Woojin’s wallet yet he has no problem with this.

(“Do you feel any different?”

“Nope, you?”

“I feel a little warmer inside?”

“That’s just the rice cakes.”)

 

.

 

(“We were sweaty, gross, and you had no built up in that confession. Past me was not swept off my feet.”)

Jihoon had complained- even pouted- that Woojin confession was the most unromantic moment ever.

 “I deserve better.” Woojin couldn’t argue with that, but it’s not like he could go back in time and scatter rose petal in the air.

“Why don’t you show me how it’s done, lover boy.” There’s a sour note in his tone, but Woojin isn’t blind. He’s aware of how popular his boyfriend is and probably still being confessed to since Jihoon hasn’t officially declared himself off the market yet. (Daehwi gives them knowing looks, but that doesn’t count.)

“Hmph. Challenge accepted.”

Few hours later, Jihoon’s idea of romantic was grabbing him by the wrist (oh god Jihoon was pulling a love drama move on him), pushing him against a mirrored wall and kabedoning Woojin to ask him out on a date.

In his best satoori accent.

‘Holy shi-‘

Woojin held their intense(?) eye contact for five seconds before bursting out in laughter and unfortunately spit on Jihoon’s face. (“Seriously?!”)

“Did you do this with all the girls you like? How is this any different from mines?” Woojin was hoping for something gentler- being wooed with flowers or aegyo, but his boyfriend was as alpha as they get. Even if their face evoked the urge to protect.

“Mine’s cooler?! More heart racing? I thought it’d work.”

It kinda does.

‘But only because it’s Jihoon.’ Woojin realized in a mushy way. “So I’m your guinea pig?”

“Mhm. Hopefully my first and last one.” He’s not sure if that was meant to be romantic but personally, Woojin doesn’t want to experience another failed kdrama/fanfic moment.

“I don’t think we’re good at this romantic thing.”

“We can keep on trying.” There’s an extra sparkle in Jihoon’s eyes and Woojin doesn’t want to know.

“Let’s just go with the flow for now.”

They spend the night watching movies with god knows how many bowls of popcorns. Woojin learned of Jihoon agile cold feet to which he responded with his swift cold hands.

Donghyun’s sly smile while he chastised them to keep it quieter next time has them quick to debunk anything in that wild imagination.

 

.

 

“Jihoon and I have been dating for two weeks.” Woojin proclaimed before pecking Jihoon on the cheek. It’s unsurprising (no one is shook), but they got to properly announce it to the “family”. The same family who threatened to lock Woojin in the closet with Jihoon until he confessed, but that’s minor details. Daehwi pretend to gag while Donghyun cheered, standing up with his own announcement.

“Youngmin and I are dating.” The other three choke on their drinks.

“Wait really?!” Youngmin rolled his eyes.

“He’s just messing with you. Congrats on being the only couple in this house.” Youngmin gave them a fatherly smile that Woojin couldn’t help but return. “But remember to use protection.”

“Um can we not with a baby in the room?”

“I’m sixteen!”

 

.

 

“I had a knee injury.” They were walking home from their picnic by the Han River and bump into some of Jihoon’s friends (“when we were in the same company”). Woojin still has a million questions left forgotten when he could ask now. He is dating the one who holds all the answer to his curiosity. “If that’s why you’re wondering why I left. There are other reasons but that’s obviously one of them.”

“Oh.” Woojin isn’t sure what to say, but his mind is coming up blank.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’ve heard it all.”

“Are you…getting better?” Jihoon doesn’t respond until they reach back home.

“You’ve seen me dance. You tell me.”

 

.

 

Being madly in love meant cheesy conversations about their hypothetical future.

And death.

 

 **Jihoon:** What makes you think I’m going to die before you?

 **Woojin:** *shrugs* you’re older

 **Jihoon:** Only by sex months!

 **Jihoon:** six***

 **Jihoon:** guess you’ll die six months after me

 **Woojin:** lolol sec

 **Woojin:** sex*

 **Woojin:** that’s not how death works at all

 **Jihoon:** Says the person who thinks I’ll die first.

 **Jihoon:** I beliebe in survival of the fittest.

 **Jihoon:** So you’ll die first from something stupid. ): <

 **Woojin:** don’t be like that honey bunny of oats

 **Woojin:** I beliebe we’re going to debut together, perform around the world, renew our contracts, tour some more, become a group as old as SJ or Shinhwa

 **Jihoon:** Won’t your wife get jealous?

 **Woojin:** nope

 **Woojin:** because I’m looking right at him

 **Jihoon:** (ง •̀_•́)ง get ready to catch these fists

 **Woojin:** we’ll even get a dog together and name it V after your celebrity crush

 **Jihoon:** Shut up! Role model and celebrity crush are two different things.

 **Woojin:** who is your celebrity crush then? /side eyes emoji

 **Jihoon:** If I told you, I’d have to kill you afterwards.

 **Jihoon:** /knife /knife /knife /many knives

 

.

 

 **Jihoon:** gdi believe***

 

.

 

It’s getting cold.

Woojin doesn’t even know what gift he’s buying for his significant other, but said significant other is already drooling about the Christmas deals at multiple eateries. Jihoon’s face is plastered against a bakery window and Woojin would buy every single treat in there for Jihoon if he could.

He felt his phone vibrate the same time Jihoon pulled out his.

“They want us back at the company.”

 The five of them are seated in Rhymer’s office. The text message doesn’t say much other than it was important and timely.

“You guys will have a chance to debut next year.” They all held their breath. The company kept informing them that their debut would be in two years- three the latest. Next year was right around the corner. “However, this opportunity is not as a group, but individually.”

They all looked at each other. How was that possible? A solo debut? Only Jihoon appeared to have caught on.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard about Produce 101.”

 

.

 

It’s hard.

Rhymer suggested they show their strength by auditioning with ‘Hollywood’.

It’s a pre-Jihoon song the four of them had worked together and changing to suit five was harder than it appeared. The song was short enough as it is to give Jihoon any decent vocal or rap lines. Woojin made sure they all got a moment in the center, but watching the judges mercilessly grade the trainees has him wondering if they choice the right performance.

They show everyone what is Brand New Music’s future idol group.

Woojin and Daehwi make in A, Donghyun and Youngmin in B, and Jihoon in C.

Their reevaluation goes better as Youngmin joined Woojin and Daehwi’s class, and Jihoon with Donghyun.

“I’m sorry we’re not in the same class.” It was more than just being in the same class. It’s the about being the best class.

“It’s ok. You can be the center of B class.”

 

.

 

Being in the B class might have helped Jihoon shoot to the top. Woojin replayed his wink a million times before Jihoon barged into his luckily empty room and complained that he has the real deal.

(“You were the one who said we need to take a break while we’re on Produce 101.”

“I tempted to take it back. I hear a lot of idols’ fans are shippers.”

“Aren’t ships supposed to be unreal? Unlike our relationship? Why don’t you ship yourself with another trainee like Jinyoung?”

“Fine. I think Daehwi already sunk his claw into him, but I’ll make it work with a cool ship name.”

“You do that honey bunny of oats.”)

 

.

 

Jihoon was right about them taking a break. There was no room for romance while their future was on the line. They probably had to consider each other as rivals too. And on a dimmer note, Woojin was positive many national producers wouldn’t approve of their relationship. It might get them kicked off the show if it was controversial enough.

Their only focus now should be catching the attention of the national producers and making it into the top 11. Woojin knew that and yet he found loneliness creeping up on him.

The show progressed and Daehwi had Jinyoung, Youngmin and Donghyun had Sewoon, and who wasn’t a friend of Jihoon’s? They all got along with their team too.

Their rankings were secure too.

In a vulnerable second, Woojin wished he had someone to lean on.

 

.

 

This time he goes to Jihoon’s room. It’s not empty, but Jihoon’s roommate is in a deep sleep.

He hoped.

“There’s my little sparrow.” Woojin scoffed, glancing at the camera in the corner before crawling into the bed with Jihoon.

“Little? I’m still the one who growing.” Jihoon tangled his limbs around him and Woojin responded by doing the same.

“Hush and cuddle with me.”

It’s been weeks since he has been intimate with his not-boyfriend. This is also the happiest he has been in weeks.

“Your heart is racing.”

“Yours too.”

“Rough week?” Woojin peered down at Jihoon’s contented face and felt the stress slowly melt away.

“You made it better.”

They get through Produce 101 together.

 

_._

 

_“Sexy lady, oh my baby~”_

_“You liked my part, didn’t you?”_

_“What makes you think I do?”_

_“Isn’t that my focus video playing on your phone?”_

_“LISTEN.”_

 

_._

 

 **_Woojin:_ ** _parkjeojang.gif_

 **_Woojin:_ ** _jeojang really? who knew you could be so cute_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Shut up. >BT_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I can’t wait for ppl to forget abt it._

 **_Woojin:_ ** _it’s never going to die if you keep being a fake how_

 **_Woojin:_ ** _ho*_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Boyyy you did not just--_

 

_._

 

_“For someone who’s on the same team with me, you don’t look very happy.”_

_“That’s because I’m tired of your ugly face.”_

_“Then stop kissing it.”_

_“Never.”_

 

_._

 

 **_Woojin:_ ** _angryhoon.png_

 **_Woojin:_ ** _you look like a jigglypuff_

 **_Woojin:_ ** _jigglypuff.gif_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _And you look like a pink sausage._

 **_Woojin:_ ** _we could both be pink sausages /pig emoji_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Are you calling me a pig?!?!? DDDD: <_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _)))))))))))))))))))): <_

_(there is a point when you’ve boyfriend enough to know when to not say something that could provoke homicide and this is one of them)_

**_Jihoon:_ ** _I KNOW YOU’VE READ MY MESSAGES!!!_

 

_._

 

_“Why did I even fall in love with you?”_

_“Because I’m too pretty?”_

_“I thought we promised to never speak of that again.”_

 

_._

 

An eyepatch will get you attention; a cast on your wrist will get you concern.

An injured leg will get you eliminated.

A hurt knee was no better.

Woojin saw it.

The strain Jihoon was putting on himself.

(“What are you so worked up about? You were in first place for weeks.”

“The only rank I can go from the top is down. If anything, being a dark horse is more exciting.”)

Behind the aegyo, charming smile and now often powdered face was a trainee pushing himself beyond what was healthy.

Sure every participant on the show was physically or emotionally drained at this stage of the competition (Seonho might be the exception), but Woojin knew Jihoon was good at acting.

But acting doesn’t cover the painkillers and patches.

Woojin knew Jihoon could take care of himself.

Knew Jihoon is smarter he looks.

Yet he pushed Rhymer’s number, telling himself he’ll let it go if there’s no answer.

“Woojin?”

“Hello sir. I wanted to talk to you about Jihoon…”

 

.

 

Come one morning, Woojin recognized the representative from their company with one of the staffs on this show. They’re leaving with Jihoon in tow.

No one mentioned Jihoon’s absence during practice though Youngmin came to check on the both of them. Woojin doesn’t see Jihoon return until late that afternoon, distressed written all over his face. He guided Jihoon into a private practice room where they sit in a corner.

 “Are you ok? What did they say?” Jihoon gave him the summary of how they were tipped off from one of the trainees about Jihoon’s growing knee pain, their sudden demand for him to get a check up along with their plans to pull him out of the competition. Apparently, they were looking at the big picture aka his future and that meant knowing when to retreat.

 “They gave me the ultimatum: finish the show or be part of the final lineup for BNM BOYS.”

But that’s in two years is what Woojin wanted to say. “This season’s group is going to be huge.”

“I know, but it’s only for 1.5 years. I don’t want to experience something that amazing only to have ripped away. I know it’s every man for himself, but I did promise to debut with you.” Woojin is speechless.

“You chose to leave?” Jihoon nodded.

“It sucks I can’t be in this group with you, but what can I expect with this bad knee? I know you’ll make it so I’ll wait for your return.” Compared to the other top 18, Woojin isn’t positive about his debut. Not like how he knew Jihoon was a shoo-in.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled Jihoon into his lap.

“Why are you sorry?” Jihoon gave him a quick peck on the lips. “It’s not your fault.”

 

.

 

Jihoon doesn’t talk to Daehwi; positive there was no one else who could have called the company on him.

They watch the company car pull up to pick Jihoon up and leave the campus.

Woojin explained everything once they reenter the dorm.

“What’s done is done, but let him be angry with me.” Daehwi offered. “It’d hurt him more to find out it was his own boyfriend.”

 

.

 

The national producers don’t take the news well at all.

All of Korea or at least the inhabitants who are following the show are mad (read: crazed).

Park Jeojang, Wink Boy, the one everyone knew for sure was going to make it in the top 11 was leaving the show.

This was honestly the only way someone who was no doubt- 100%- not only going to be in the group but within the top ranks, not make it into group without a scandal/hospitalization/death.

Fans had already started attacking Mnet and certain companies- declaring the show was rigged and the top 11 were already selected.

They demanded Jihoon’s return or a clear statement.

Some threatened to take action.

Woojin decided that was enough of the internet for the day (there was still their live performance to worry about). There was no time to doubt the decision he made. Whether it could have made or hinder Jihoon’s career.

 

.

 

At the finale, Woojin performed with no regrets because his only one (regret) was watching him on the side with Donghyun.

If he didn’t make it, that’s 1.5 years he could enjoy with his boyfriend while Daehwi made them proud. It’d be his punishment for taking away the same opportunity from Jihoon.

But his name does get called and Woojin isn’t sure whether to cry from joy or guilt. He doesn’t cry while walking or making his speech because his boyfriend is elated as well as his family and everyone around him. He’ll cry another time. From his ranked seat, it dawned to Woojin how far the distance was from him and Jihoon. In another universe, that distance could have been nonexistent.

They meet on stage. Woojin has the wind knock out of him and a certain cutie with a beautiful laugh and smile is to blame.

“Congrats.” It took everything for Woojin to not kiss the wistfulness out of Jihoon’s eyes. Cameras be damned as he embraced Jihoon.

“I’m sorry.” Jihoon squeezed tighter.

“I should be the one that’s sorry. I promised we’d debut together.”

For a show that loved to drag out, to stretch their anxiety and pain for as long as possible, Produce 101 ended in a quick blur.  Woojin and Daehwi are still in shock as they’re driven back to pick up extra belongings and be present for more paperwork.

 

.

 

Time blurs when you’re a busy idol.

Wake up. Work. Practice. Sleep? Repeat.

Woojin isn’t sure of the day or week, only that there’s always a now and for later.

Was this what he worked so hard for?

He knew what he signed up for.

(He didn’t know what he signed up for.)

His hand itched for his phone. To contact Jihoon and Youngmin and Donghyun.

He even missed their CEO.

Anyone he knew before becoming Wanna One’s Park Woojin.

Including Park Woojin.

 

.

 

After much performances and events, everyone in Wanna One is a given a break.

(Unless you’re Kang Daniel.)

Not only do they get their phone back, but they’re scheduled for a few days off. It’s not much, but Woojin’s grateful that it’s enough to visit Jihoon.

It’s not enough to send a text as he scrolled through his contact and pressed call.

 “Hello? Are you filming right now?” It’s like a punch of multiple emotions at once.

Woojin’s mouth is dried. It’s only a few months and he being this emotional over a boy.

“I got the day off. Do you wanna grab something to eat?”

“Only if you’re buying.”

 

.

 

It’s getting cold.

A year ago, they were in the office being informed about Produce 101. How so much has changed since then.

They spend the entire day together.

Jihoon does his best to make it as entertaining for Woojin as possible without revealing their location to fans. He doesn’t comment about the bags under Woojin’s eyes or bring up the crazy schedule Woojin has to returns to after his brief break. Woojin can’t ask for a better best friend and lover.

That’s why the guilt still eats him up.

 

Woojin has to confess and hope Jihoon understand.

Even if he never forgave him.

It’s nighttime when Jihoon offered to walk him back to the dorm. Can’t have an idol going home unaccompanied he joked.

“Jihoon.”

“Hmmm?”

“When the company forced you to leave the show because of the tipoff-” Jihoon interrupted him.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I know Daehwi was just worried even if he didn’t consult with me first.”

“Daehwi wasn’t the one who asked the company to check.” Woojin sucked in his breath.

“I did.”

No one moved. Jihoon has an unreadable expression.

“What.”

“I-“

“Why?” His eyes reflected nothing but hurt and betrayal. Woojin now wished he waited until they somewhere private. “You wanted- no- you promised we’d debut together. That we’d be performing on the same stage.” Jihoon’s voice was rising in volume, attracting wary expressions from strangers passing by but continued, “WHY? You knew how close I was. How long I waited to debut in a group only to wait again and again. How much it hurts to not be by your side because I’m not “well” enough? TELL. ME.” He cried, “Why?”

“You know your knee-“

“Bullshit. If my knee was that bad, I wouldn’t have been allowed to join the show.”

“You know it was getting worse! You’ve seen the chorography Wanna One has to do.”

“Are you saying I couldn’t have done it?” Jihoon is fuming with eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I can’t believe you Park Woojin. Don’t follow me.” He stalked off.

“W-wait!” Jihoon swatted Woojin’s hand.

“Don’t follow me!”

“Let’s go back.”

He dart into the streets to lose Woojin.

“I said stop foll-!”

The sound of tires screeching.

Woojin rushed forward.

Horn honking,

Jihoon surrounded by a bright light.

Woojin is sure the last thing he saw was an angel.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Woojin must have blacked out for a second (‘While walking?’) because when he comes around, it’s to Jihoon’s face hunched over his body. He’s lying down? Apparently on the cold hard ground next to Jihoon. How far are they from the dorms? He can’t move without hissing in pain. (“Don’t move. Please. You’ve lost so much- “)

Nothing feels right.

No, everything hurts.

Seeing Jihoon’s expression hurts more.

‘Why do you look so terrified?’

Woojin tries his hardest to keep his eyes open. Keep his eyes on-

It’s funny.

His heart always clenched around Jihoon, but it was exceptionally excruciating this time. He was also having a hard time breathing. Woojin wants to joke that it’s because Jihoon‘s breathtaking, but he cannot get a sound much less a coherent word out.

“Ji- ji-” Meanwhile, Jihoon continues rambling.

“Keep with me Woojin. The ambulance is coming. You’re going to be okay. You have to be okay.”

‘Jihoon,’

“Ji-”

“Why aren’t they here yet? Woojin please stay with me.” Jihoon is furiously wiping the tears off Woojin’s face with his sleeve. ‘Why is it so red?’ Was Woojin crying? It hurts but he can’t tell if he’s crying.

He knows Jihoon is though.

 “Please don’t leave me. Woojin please please please”

 What an unsightly face. Jihoon won’t stop crying. The tears won’t stop raining on him and Woojin wants to wipe them away, but his arms are like weights. He can’t move a single limb. Why can’t he?

“Ji.”

Woojin has dreamt about falling asleep in Jihoon’s lap, a hand in his hair while his boyfriend talks his ear off. Tonight he falls asleep- it’s so hard to keep his eyes open- with his boyfriend screaming into his ear.

But everything sounds like white noise.

And everything fades to black.

 

.

 

It has been three days.

72 hours since Park Woojin has been admitted to the hospital and Park Jihoon was locked in Wanna One’s dorm until someone from BNM arrives.

For the best both companies had said.

Without any way to the outside or online world, Minhyun takes it upon himself to be the messenger while Jisung and Daehwi stayed at the hospital when their schedule allows it.

Minhyun finds Jihoon curled up in his bed (Woojin’s bed smells too much like Woojin), staring off at nothing. He sits on the edge and quietly combs his fingers through Jihoon’s head, watching Jihoon’s eyes flicker toward him for second.

“Has…” Jihoon averts his gaze, mouth dry despite not talking for days. “Has Woojin woken up yet?”

They both know Jihoon wants to know more than that but baby steps; Minhyun nods.

“An hour ago. There’s still some complication, but he can take visitors now. You can ask one of our managers to take you.” 

Minhyun doesn’t miss the way Jihoon tenses like he’s ready to run.

But not to Woojin’s side.

“Or whenever you want to visit.” There’s a slight hesitation- confliction dancing in Minhyun’s eyes, wondering if what he’ll say next was necessary.

“Hyung?”

“He doesn’t remember what happened after he pushed you…first thing he did after waking up was asked if you were okay.”

Jihoon hummed. Of course Woojin would. “You can tell him I’m fine.”

A lie.

“Please stop being hard on yourself.”

“Why not? It’s my fault.”

Minhyun’s response is by leaving the room, unable to confirm or deny the claim.

“Get some rest.”

It only makes Jihoon feel worse.

“So it is my fault.”

 

.

 

_Call them a typical lovesick couple (or just a pair of close friends laying on top of each other), but Woojin and Jihoon were on picnic mat by the Han River- beside their emptied boxes of fried chicken, now crammed with drained soda bottles and used ramen trays._

_“Do you hear that?” Jihoon turned his head, ear pressed down on Woojin’s chest._

_“Your heart? It’s beating pretty fast.”_

_‘It’s because of you.’_

_“Not there.” Woojin pointed to his abdomen._

_“Your stomach? Are you hungry?”_

_“You can’t hear them?”_

_“Hear what?_

_“Hear the butterflies in my stomach.” Woojin grinned, pushing Jihoon off his body. He knew better than to stay around after declaring that._

_“I- yah! Come back so I can punch you in the face!”_

_The sparrow cackled, flying off as the beet red rabbit chased after._

 

.

 

The sparrow wakes up (again).  There’s someone beside his bed and Woojin makes out the shape of our beloved maknae crying once again.

“Daehwi?” It snaps Daehwi attention back to him and more tears are shed.

“You idiot! Stop fading in and out of consciousness!” Woojin can’t get another word out before Daehwi’s barreling out of the room to hail a nurse and notify the other members.

How did he get here again?

 

.

 

Woojin gets better. Jihoon does not.

 

.

 

The formation of Wanna One is such a short period of time. Each day has to count. So when the entire group goes to visit Woojin and finds him in a wheelchair, Jihoon feels like he has been punched in the guts.

He did that. Daniel is the first to speak.

“So when do you start using crutches?” Woojin rubs his neck, unsure of the answer himself.

“It depends how well my rehabilitation goes. If not…” The thought of Woojin, their main dancer, tied to a wheelchair forever brings the whole mood down.

“I believe in you! You’ll be dancing with us in no time!” Trust Daniel to be optimistic for all of them.

“Thanks hyung.”

 

.

 

If his outside injuries were bad, his insides weren’t that hot either. The doctors inform Woojin’s family about surgery less he wants future complications. He doesn’t want to think about getting surgery- something could go wrong, but his guts tell him they need it. So he listens to his injured guts.

 

.

 

“I hear he’s schedule for a surgery today or tomorrow.” Jisung catches Jihoon by the hospital entrance and drags him to one of the vending machine. Jihoon takes a sip of his coffee. It’s bitter. “Don’t you want to see him before the operation?”

He takes another sip. Nothing has changed.

‘I do.’ Jihoon has been visiting, but he doesn’t dare to step into the room or let Woojin spot him. The next time they meet again, they’ll surely have to talk.

‘Do you know how terrified I was? How I see his death in my dreams over and over again?’

I can’t face him right now is what he wants to say.

“I’m not ready.” Jisung gives him a hug.

“Okay. Take care of yourself.”

 

.

 

They wheel him toward the operation room. Woojin wonders if anything goes wrong, will he better able to understand Jihoon’s pain. He knows regardless of the results, he’ll never dance the same way again. It must be karma.

‘Jihoon...’ Woojin reminds himself the first thing he’ll do after the surgery is tell Jihoon he’s sorry and that he loves…

The anesthetic starts to work.

It all goes to black.

 

.

 

All surgeries come with a risk of infections and complications.

And some lead to death.

“Woojin’s dead” and “something went wrong” were the last things Jihoon expects to hear.

It’s one of those ‘are you serious?’ moment or ‘this is so unexpected’.

There was no notice. No warning. He was dying in Jihoon’s arm before, but the ambulance came. Woojin was admitted. They hospital saves him and they got back to their lives.

Jihoon has to keep asking, but they all point back to his Park Woojin is no longer living.

There’s nothing he can do to change that fact.

No one had planned for this occurrence. Woojin left no message other than he wanted to see everyone later.

It was a simple surgery. 

But a day, an hour, minute, second is all it takes for someone’s world to collapse.

 

 _60 seconds_   _is very important,_

_It's enough time for a person's _life_  to come and go._

 

.

 

 “Woojin told us a lot about you. About your plans to debut and grow old together.”

“And get a dog.”

“You two must have been really close friends.”

“Yeah…friends…”

 

.

 

Fans around the globe mourn for the rookie idol. They aren’t afraid to point fingers, but they’ll never know more than what’s written in the news.

It was much too soon and Woojin’s moment was too short to leave a lasting impact on the world.

Jihoon wonders if Woojin will become a distanced memory for him too.

Then maybe the nightmares will end.

 

.

 

Wanna One complete their contract as 10.

It’s like 101 minus the 1 at the end.

 

.

 

BNM BOYS debut and fans don’t hesitate to mention how Woojin should have been and will always be a member of this group.

Jihoon smiles through the pain and cries it out at night.

The other members try their best to help, but they all have their own demons to worry about.

 

.

 

They win awards, travel the world, do all the things Jihoon wished he could have done in Wanna One.

Regardless of groups, Jihoon wishes he could have done all of this with Woojin.

 

.

 

Jihoon finds himself peering over the bridge railing where the Han River flows underneath.

It’d be so easy to-

No.

 

.

 

He gets a dog and names it V.

 

.

 

 _And I hope I’m just one of the many people in your life_  
_That comes and goes_  
_I hope that as the tears and cherry blossoms fall_  
_There will be new life sprouting from them and_  
_I hope our memories are short and beautiful_  
_Just like the sunset, and I hope_  
_All of these things are able to_  
_Push at your slender back with good nature_  
_Even though you still haven’t been able to take your feet off the ground._

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics sung/rapped by iKON and Epik High. And a quote from Sewoon.  
> A third of this story is actually chopped off and tweaked for a different ending.  
> Basically, last minute changes was made to the original plot for the sake of tactfulness.  
> On a more appropriate day, I'll upload the original longer ending.


End file.
